genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
