you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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