It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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