Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
