I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
