somebody snuck up and got me drunk
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I take back everything I said about communal showers
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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