haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Randomize
