Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
