i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
