Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
