everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
