Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
