Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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