I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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