After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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