can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize