I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
