Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
