He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
