I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
