Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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