she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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