My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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