Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
