Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
