EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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