HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
