A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
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