yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
