A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
