That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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