May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
