you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
