If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
