We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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