How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
