Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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