Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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