just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Panties = found
Randomize
