so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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