I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
