I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
