Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
