I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
