It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
