I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
