Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He felt like a one man threesome
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
