so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
