So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
