Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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