I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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